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Matt


Perchance, a dance?

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[24 Jan 2011|09:59pm]
one day, I will forget.
I will forget where I am, forget the faces around me
I will forget those I love, forgetting friends, siblings, parents
and possibly, forgetting me.

I won't remember the hardships, though I don't remember many of those now. I won't remember standing in lines, delayed flights, terrible meals or lost luggage. I also won't remember the adventures, playing with tigers, lions and cheetahs in south Africa, dinning at a Buddhist temple in China, or scuba diving the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. I will forget the streets of London, the canals of Venice, the air of Loch Lomond. All the kind strangers I have met around the world, will once again be strangers.

I will look at pictures, and not recognize the people, places or things I see. Someone will tell me this photo I took somewhere exciting, and that photo is my wife, my child. I will blink, and if I am lucky, I won't remember what they just told me before the fear that I was forgetting myself kicked in, again. I am not sure yet if I will be happy to remember something or more frustrated that I managed to forget everything else.

I will forget what I just read in the above paragraph, or if I read the above paragraph, or if it was the paragraph before that I don't remember. As I start loosing people in my life, my mind will erase everything else of them that remained. I will forget they are no longer around, and possible forgetting they ever were.

Not everything will be lost. Little bits of information will cling to me. I will call my nurses by the wrong name, no matter how many times the correct me. I will call them by the names of friends that meant something to me, but I won't remember why. On "good days" I won't remember that I have forgotten. And on the bad, I fear how afraid I will be.
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[13 Nov 2010|07:11pm]
Another day at the officeCollapse )
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[16 Aug 2010|10:34pm]
Every day I seem to say fewer words then the day before.
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[17 May 2010|05:57pm]
How does someone go about finding true love these days? or even a just date at that? the last two years of solitude have gotten kinda lonely, I miss both the companionship, and carnal acts. Bla
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[07 Apr 2010|08:32pm]
Repeating conversation segments repeatedlyCollapse )
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[18 Mar 2010|10:50pm]


wasn't the greatest merger of photos, but I am to tired to do better, and I just wanted to show off my new piano.
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[28 Feb 2010|05:07pm]
While working on the second floor suite, I realizes I locked myself out of the of the main floor. With roommate in Seattle and parents in Mexico, I cut a hole in the floor barely big enough to squeeze through, and drop the 9 feet to a safe landing, now there was a silver medal performance.
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[30 Jan 2010|01:24am]
I miss deeply the excitement of touch, of holding someone and being held. The feeling that you get at a kiss, the joy of when they take your hand, the giddiness of getting to spend time with that one special person.

connecting with people past formal, has become a challenge
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[20 Dec 2009|01:14am]
I just spent the last 15 hours in my kitchen, cooking for and enjoying my annual Christmas feast.





Menu included,

Turkey, ham, lamb, garlic sausage, pasta, mini pizza's, bruschetta, perogies, mashed potatoes, buns, garlic bread, veggie platters, bacon wrapped asparagus, garden salad, apple pie, rice crispy squares, gingersnaps, wine and rum.

nearly $200 worth of ingredients spent, and it looks like we barely touched any of it.

This is the fourth Christmas feast, every year half the people don't show, and I know that, yet my menu gets bigger and more complex.

I wonder why I do this, I wonder why I even host it to begin with. I would like to think it is that I am just looking for a challenge.
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fragmented [07 Nov 2009|05:55pm]
The house is a lot of work, which is why I wanted it, I like the challenge, it makes me feel connected.
--
I am going out to a little get together, I believe an old friend is trying to set me up with someone correction, they are setting the someone up with me. I am nervous, I don't go out much.
--
an old colleague is backpacking in Australia, they are currently hiking through the Tasmanian wilderness, they posted pictures. While it wasn't home, I feel somewhat akin to homesickness for there, and the desire to be moving, traveling, adventuring burns deeply.
--
and yet, I am still happy.
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[10 Aug 2009|09:05pm]







It is coming up to three years that I have been back in Canada, and I have not unpacked my luggage. I still live out of my suitcase.


I stared at these for too long, I am not sure which of these three I like the most or even them together, any input would be appreciated, thanks.

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[20 Jul 2009|08:15pm]





I am currently displaced due to a wildfire. Still in the same city, actually I am back at my parents house. Yet still, I am displaced. I am finding I have so much more time, not that I could even pretend to be busy before, but being in a different place makes doing nothing take twice as long.


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[10 May 2009|08:50pm]





It is one pretty damn big world, and I just want to find her.


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[11 Apr 2009|11:41pm]





I am not really sure how I feel.


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[28 Jan 2009|10:38pm]
I just archived my LJ. Rereading a lot of old posts, and comments. It's been 8 years and I am still just a boy.
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[24 Jan 2009|02:13am]
I don't think I wear this new age of 26 well, at least I have a year to grow into it.
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[19 Jan 2009|11:13pm]
It was one of those kisses that inspire poets, that no matter what has happened,
ever will happen, could make you forget that moment.
When your eyes reflect in their eyes, the feeling that both simultaneously,
have the same thought to kiss the other. When your heart does not skip a beat, but stops all together.
The planet it-self comes to a halt as not to interrupt. The two souls escape their shells and dance.
Whether it be a chemical reaction causing an electronic algorithm of the brain or perhaps it is touching the divinity of heaven, the universe in that moment is right.

Problem is that it was a dream, and now I am in love with you because of it.
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[10 Dec 2008|08:03pm]





My own Christmas treeCollapse )
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[17 Sep 2008|10:59pm]
I will write more,
I will censor myself less.

Someday.
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[15 Aug 2008|01:06pm]





ScotlandCollapse )
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