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[30 Jan 2010|01:24am] |
I miss deeply the excitement of touch, of holding someone and being held. The feeling that you get at a kiss, the joy of when they take your hand, the giddiness of getting to spend time with that one special person.
connecting with people past formal, has become a challenge
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[20 Dec 2009|01:14am] |
I just spent the last 15 hours in my kitchen, cooking for and enjoying my annual Christmas feast.
Menu included,
Turkey, ham, lamb, garlic sausage, pasta, mini pizza's, bruschetta, perogies, mashed potatoes, buns, garlic bread, veggie platters, bacon wrapped asparagus, garden salad, apple pie, rice crispy squares, gingersnaps, wine and rum.
nearly $200 worth of ingredients spent, and it looks like we barely touched any of it.
This is the fourth Christmas feast, every year half the people don't show, and I know that, yet my menu gets bigger and more complex.
I wonder why I do this, I wonder why I even host it to begin with. I would like to think it is that I am just looking for a challenge.
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[07 Nov 2009|05:55pm] |
The house is a lot of work, which is why I wanted it, I like the challenge, it makes me feel connected.
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I am going out to a little get together, I believe an old friend is trying to set me up with someone correction, they are setting the someone up with me. I am nervous, I don't go out much.
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an old colleague is backpacking in Australia, they are currently hiking through the Tasmanian wilderness, they posted pictures. While it wasn't home, I feel somewhat akin to homesickness for there, and the desire to be moving, traveling, adventuring burns deeply.
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and yet, I am still happy.
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[10 Aug 2009|09:05pm] |
It is coming up to three years that I have been back in Canada, and I have not unpacked my luggage. I still live out of my suitcase.
I stared at these for too long, I am not sure which of these three I like the most or even them together, any input would be appreciated, thanks.
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[20 Jul 2009|08:15pm] |
I am currently displaced due to a wildfire. Still in the same city, actually I am back at my parents house. Yet still, I am displaced. I am finding I have so much more time, not that I could even pretend to be busy before, but being in a different place makes doing nothing take twice as long.
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[10 May 2009|08:50pm] |
It is one pretty damn big world, and I just want to find her.
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[11 Apr 2009|11:41pm] |
I am not really sure how I feel.
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[28 Jan 2009|10:38pm] |
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I just archived my LJ. Rereading a lot of old posts, and comments. It's been 8 years and I am still just a boy.
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[24 Jan 2009|02:13am] |
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I don't think I wear this new age of 26 well, at least I have a year to grow into it.
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[19 Jan 2009|11:13pm] |
It was one of those kisses that inspire poets, that no matter what has happened,
ever will happen, could make you forget that moment.
When your eyes reflect in their eyes, the feeling that both simultaneously,
have the same thought to kiss the other. When your heart does not skip a beat, but stops all together.
The planet it-self comes to a halt as not to interrupt. The two souls escape their shells and dance.
Whether it be a chemical reaction causing an electronic algorithm of the brain or perhaps it is touching the divinity of heaven, the universe in that moment is right.
Problem is that it was a dream, and now I am in love with you because of it.
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[17 Sep 2008|10:59pm] |
I will write more,
I will censor myself less.
Someday.
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[15 Aug 2008|12:42pm] |
( London )
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[01 Aug 2008|08:22am] |
In a new bed in a new room in a new house and I feel uncomfortable.
At least I will have two weeks traveling London and Scotland. In London I can feel at home.
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| I can't belive it has been so long since I last posted. |
[02 May 2008|12:21am] |
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Where do dreams end, where does reality begin and where do I go from here? When we ask "what do we want out of life", do we imply that life owes us some great experience? Would it better to ask "what do we want to put into life?"
I'm a lazy person. I was brought up in a society that will push you through the hoops with little effort. And as one typically and lazily would say, I am only a product, or bi-product, of society. Can I change society? not really. I can change myself, but that takes effort. As a friend once said, "I see the benefits of working out and being buff, but I can't bring myself around to doing it" I see the value in getting degrees and the papers, or even learning something, but the effort of writing papers, and exams seems to out-way my short term quest for happiness.
Some people have natural talents that have helped them get further with little effort. While others find happiness in not going further, they are content and comfortable with being where they start. Of which I find myself being envious of both types.
My natural talent is that I can confidently get off a plane anywhere in the world (For those that were wondering, my sarcasm talent took some practice). Can I make a life out of traveling, yes, but to do so I give up on relationships. Close friends become friends that I visit for a few hours, at most days, while I am the country. Visiting only long enough to share stories, pictures and a meal, or just a postcard from a new place. Almost a shallow existence.
To build a family is even more difficult. To share a life with someone, create a home, and raise a family. Can it be done while not giving up on the better part who I have created myself to be? Or do I lay aside my dreams, my comforts, the only thing I can do with little effort, for security, love and a new type of happiness?
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